Vulnerability is tricky. It can make us feel human. But its exposure creates uneasiness. Sometimes it brings about an intense fear, of exploitation, or of misinterpretation. Then there are the ones who use it to manipulate, to cling. That’s the dark side; it’s a thin line, and it’s blurry.
How do you mask vulnerability? Especially when it’s exposed, and now, you are so scared. Can you ever feel safe to peel off the layers and layers of masks you wear, unearth the memories you have suppressed, speak about the past that had shaped you, tell about the things you are scared to lose? Will it be understood, valued, safeguarded? How can you ever be sure? Sometimes you feel safe, intuitively, or maybe even a bit recklessly, and then the very next moment you feel scared, and stupid for saying things that are too precious in your life.
Who do you tell it to; your family, the one you love, your best friend, a colleague, or just a random stranger? What guides you; blood ties, proximity, comfort, inebriation, intuition, or just an impulse? Whoever you choose, whatever guides you, however you let it out, and however it makes you feel later; your vulnerabilities will always keep you on your toes, ready to run, at the slightest threat.
Exposing your vulnerabilities can also be used to create invisible boundaries, to ward off things you can’t trust yourself to deal with, fearing what you might get into. So, you say things that will keep you away, keep you safe.
Yes, it’s tricky.